Welcome to The Fabulush

Happiness is the secret to all beauty.  There is no beauty without happiness.

-Christian Dior

For as long as I can remember, make-up has delighted me.  While my mother was grocery shopping, I would slowly amble up and down the cosmetics aisle looking at the colors, the packaging…everything.  It was pure joy.  My dream gift was a huge, cheap eye shadow palette filled with 80 colors, most of which I would never have even dreamed of actually using.

I am secretly delighted that my 10 year old daughter has caught the cosmetics bug.  On weekends, still in her pajamas, she presents with some ridiculous shade of eye shadow applied with reckless abandon  – and a lipstick-smeared smile that lights up her entire face.  In fact, just yesterday she requested her own 80 impractical color palette.  I’m sure we could bond in more meaningful ways, but this is just too much fun.

In adulthood, I have found a new way to indulge my habit – the subscription box.  Without leaving the comfort of my home, boxes of glorious products arrives to bring joy to my heart and a song to my soul.

Thank you for visiting thefabulush.com.  You’ll find all sorts of cosmetic-goodness to entertain you, honest product reviews and skincare tricks – all targeted to a more mature audience.  Let’s be honest: in your 20’s, you can slap anything on your face and look gorgeous.  As we enter “the back forty” it gets a little trickier.  But 40 really is the new 30 and 50 isn’t nearly as scary sounding as it once was.

Please make yourself vomfortable, take a look around, comment, ask questions.  We’re all in this together!

#beautyover40 #fabulousover40 #40andfabulous

xoxo,

Amanda

Silkah Skin 18 Review

Hey Beauties!

Today’s post is super interesting (I think), and originally appeared on my favorite site for Asian beauty, Amabie! Let’s jump in, shall we?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was so excited when offered the opportunity to try Silkah’s Skin 18 System from the company and Amabie! If you aren’t familiar with Silkah, you should be! This Taiwanese company is doing some pretty interesting things in the realm of science-based skincare, but current enough to understand the value of pretty packaging!

The kit that I received and will be reviewing, is a stem-cell based anti-aging system that includes the Skin 18 stem-cell product, an activating serum for the dehydrated stem cells, sheet masks and a moisturizer. There is also a tiny bamboo holder and it’s all packaged in a beautiful Tiffany-esque blue. I was sent four weeks of the system with the promise of taking a picture each week at the same time of day in the same lighting to see test the efficacy of the product and then sharing my thoughts in this honest review.  I didn’t exactly get the same lighting each week (that’s weather in Texas for ya) but I think we can all decide how well the products worked from the photo nonetheless.

So, first impressions – SO impressive. The packaging is just lovely and the company has really paid a ton of attention to detail (the little bamboo holder, for example) and I love that they combining powerful, clinical skincare in pretty packaging. Just love it. Of course, I hurried to take some “before” photos, because I wanted to hurry up and get to the fun stuff!

The mixing process is really kind of fun. The dehydrated stem-cell concentrate (I’ll just call them stem cells from here on out) comes in a bottle similar to a perfume sample spray bottle, but larger. The dehydrated stem-cells are in the bottom and I do recommend shaking them a bit before you add the serum just to loosen them up. You unscrew the top, and add the serum. There are lines on the stem-cell spray bottle to indicate how much you use nightly, and the bottle holds three days worth of treatment. The amount you are supposed to use each night is exactly the right amount as indicated on the bottle – enough to thoroughly moisten your neck and chest, but not dripping.

You up use the stem cells at night, because they are quite fragile and acids such as Vitamin C will destroy them. I also liked feeling that it had more time to work on repairing my skin while I slept. A word about the scent: it is an usual scent. I’m an OR nurse and we use various types of freeze-dried products (such as bone) often. The scent of this part of the Frozen 18 system has that exact scent. I liked it because it made me feel like it was truly a medical-grade product! If you’re not familiar with it, however, it might be a little strange at first. It’s way better than if they added some fake fragrance though!

The moisturizer is in the same type of bottle that Drunk Elephant’s C firma is in, but again in the pretty blue. it feels fairly light when you dispense it, and absorbs completely. I think it would be very effective for all skin types. I have super dry skin so I was concerned that it wouldn’t be hydrating enough for me. I was wrong. It’s very nourishing but not at all oily. There were a couple days during my 4 week trial that were drier than normal and I added a bit extra oil on top, but didn’t really need more moisture than this provided. It has a light, clean scent. Not floral, maybe slightly citrus, but very subtle and not bothersome at all.

The sheet masks….OMG THE SHEET MASKS…. I love them. They are very, very thin and fit beautifully. I actually fell asleep with one on one night! There was about a reasooon of essence left over, which of course I used on my neck and chest.

Now, onto what you really want to know…did it work? Well, the attached photos clearly speak for themselves. After the first couple of uses, my skin felt much tighter and more lifted, but when I imparted week 1 to week 2 pictures, I didn’t really notice much difference. At this point though, there was enough about the system that I liked that I wanted to keep using it – mostly because mixing the stem cells was super fun. 😝

I would definitely buy this system again, but I would also buy any part of the system to use alone. The masks are just perfect, I’m still using the moisturizer every night (with plenty still left at 5 weeks of nightly use) and I think the pictures show how well the stem cells worked quite clearly. I think it’s worth mentioning that I take pretty good care of my skin regularly, and the results were still this noticeable. I’m crinkling my eyes as tightly as I can in these photos, so it looks even better when I’m not making funny faces.

Hope you enjoy my photos and that this review is helpful. Please let me know if you have any questions! I’m kind of blown away by the results!

xoxo,

Amanda

Natasha Denona Swatch Party

Hey beauties!

As you may have heard, Natasha Denona (ND) recently launched a new, limited-edition palette. The Sunset Palette  sold out incredibly fast once released online, but I was able to order one and you can be sure there will be a full review as soon as it arrives!

In discussion about whether the Sunset Palette was actually worth the $129 price tag with my beauty bestie (@the_beauty_rookie), she guessed that it couldn’t compare to the quality of Viseart eye shadows.  She also wondered how it compared to the already legendary Anastasia Beverly Hills (ABH) Modern Renaissance (MR) palette.

I’ve done a full review on the ND Star Palette which you can read here, but I thought it would be fun to see the answers to both of The Beauty Rookie’s questions and compare these shadows side by side.  These palettes all vary quite a bit in price and my first, and most important comment is this:  each one of these palettes is amazing.  The quality of shadow all three of these companies produce is exceptional and you couldn’t go wrong with any of them.

Modern Renaissance v. Star Palette

Poor lighting not withstanding, aren’t these beautiful!  I’ve had the Star for about 6 months (so messy!) and the MR for about two weeks.  I’ve clearly loved them both.

The following swatches are on my forearm primed with a drugstore concealer that I bought after reading great comments on Instagram.  I don’t care for it, but it’s perfectly good as a swatch base to cover up redness and whatnot.  Then, I swiped a color with my finger and smeared it on.  The only rule was that my finger only hit the color once!

The matte browns in the two palettes are similar, but not the same.  Both brands have quite a bit of kickback, but I have found that to be true with all highly pigmented colors.  The colors are all creamy and blendable and obviously very pigmented.  Raw Sienna in the MR palette is my least favorite, it seems drier than the others and the swatch started as one big chunk.

The dark and red mattes are also similar in color and texture, and I think the ones in the MR are better.   There are quite a few similarities  in the palettes, obvi.  BUT…each palette also has some differences.

Shades unique to MR are:

I love the shimmers here, Realgar is a great burnt orange, a pretty popular color around my  town! Buon Fresco is a muted, gray purple that I use all the time, but never would have chosen out of a lineup.  It looks sort of like a bruise when you swatch it, but it’s really great to work.  I really like the way it brings out the grey in my eyeballs.

Some of the colors that are unique to the Star are pictured below. These are the shimmers and chroma crystals. I love wearing these and use them often, but it does annoy me how much the chroma crystals have uglied-up my palette! As you can correctly guess, there’s a bit of fallout with these. ;-).

Broom line: I love both of these palettes and while some of the sheds are similar, I’m happy I have both because they are also very different. Obviously, at $42 the MR is much more affordable that the $169 Star.  You’re not comparing apples to apples, however.  I’m not going to calculate the product weights, but the pans in the Star are much larger and it has 18 colors compared to MR’s 14.

Natasha v. Viseart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t like applying eyeshadow with my finger so these swatches are done with a brush. I used my Makeup Geek Foiled Shadow Brush ($8.5) because it picks up a ton of color! I don’t have any full-sized Viseart palettes, so I used the Viseart Petit PRO ($30) and the Viseart Theory Minx II ($45).  The color numbering goes a little something like this:

I just chose similar shades and brushed them on next to each other.

My thoughts on the comparison here is that the brands are nearly identical. The quality is exceptional, they have a very similar feel, and all blend like a dream. In terms of price, the Theory palette’s pans are similar in size to the Star. If you just look at an estimated price per color, ND is about $2 more per color.

I love the variety of textures and colors in ND’s palettes more than I like the lack of variety in Viseart’s Full-size palettes ($80), but if I’m being honest, I’ll most likely keep buying both.  Both brands are amazing and I love that both brands have smaller versions that make them slightly more accessible, but still very spendy!

What do you think? Which ones are your faves? I can’t wait to bring you the Sunset Palette review. It’s just so gorgeous and has me counting down the days until I’m beachside!

xoxo,

Amanda

A Day Well Spent

Today was the first day that I’ve really been out and about in a while, and it was nice. The weather is perfect.  My husband’s company is moving in to a bigger office and I went to help choose paint and carpet today.  Next week, I will get to start decorating – which is amazingly fun with someone else’s wallet.

After, I decided to pop in HomeGoods to see if I could find anything “for the office”.   I didn’t manage to find anything for the office, but I found tons of things for the beauty room that I’m working on.   My daughter received a room upgrade, so I’m turning her old room into a beauty room.  This will be where my friend and I film our YouTube videos in the near future – and I cannot wait until we are ready to tell you all about it.  The problem I’m having is that I want this room to look amazing and plush and girlie but I don’t want to spend much doing so!

Inspo for Beauty Room

Finally, I’m excited to report tomorrow.  I’ve been invited, courtesy of Influenster to attend a store opening for a new Austin area Origins store! They are hosting mini-facials and I’m taking along a few beauty friends – I know it’s going to be a blast!

Current Beauty Room Reality (not quite there)

As always, beauties – thanks for reading.  Please subscribe, share and comment.

xoxo, Amanda

Pretty Makers

As promised, here is the continuation of yesterday’s post.  I promised that a complete look could be done with 15 items including tools.   Yesterday, I highlighted the skincare portion of the look and today I’m going to focus on the cosmetics.  The prep and prime portion of events, which you can read here and used a total of 6 products.  To finish the look, I have a wide selection of tools and products that will make your look sun- and sweat-proof – and pretty!

For ease, there is nothing quite like this $39 Stila palette.  Perfect Me, Perfect Hue comes in four different shades, each designed to suit a specific skin tone.  This is the medium version and it suits my skin extremely well.  The darker of the two blushes can double as a contour on me, while the lighter peach color has a ton of sparkle.  The large color on the upper left is a great matte highlight, base color or powder in a pinch.  With four shadow colors, it’s easy to create a soft and subtle look, or amp up the drama with the rich plum.  I don’t like my makeup to leave the security of my house, but this is a great traveler due to the large mirror and hard sides.

If this doesn’t float your boat, you can always build your own.  I love the Makeup Geek Vault (for it’s hard sides and large mirror).  It’s only $13 and holds either 9 standard size shadow pans or two large pans with four shadows.  I order one every time I order from Makeup Geek – if it’s in stock!  Actually, while getting the link for this post, I might have accidentally ordered one.  And the Spring Fling bundle.  Their site may be really touchy.  I advise caution.

I’m obsessed with these dual-ended  brushes from tarte.  You can snag an eye-shadow brush for $24 here but all of their brushes are great and they constantly have new, fun offerings.   I’m also very in love with my scratchy brushes from Morphe and Makeup Geek!

Another cheek product I will always adore is the Stila Convertible Colors.   They are offered in palettes, which I don’t like because the pans are too small for a blush brush and in this form for $25.  I love the lip and cheek colors because they can be applied lightly for a sheer, glowy color or built up for a pop.  They blend beautifully and I haven’t found a single shade that isn’t awesome yet!

Everyone has their favorite lippies.  Here are a few of my most loved nudes. My current favorite is the Manna Cosmetics.  This is the first lip gloss that I’ve ever found that has great color saturation while being ultra-hydrating….and not a tiny bit sticky.   You can buy them for $24 from Manna Cosmetics, and I’d stock up.  Once you try it you will be blown away.

Tame your brows, pop a coat of mascara on and you’re all set.  I’m hopeless with my hair, but I’m working on perfecting a casual, no-heat look.  I will take all the tips you’ve got – but what I’m loving this season is the anything goes philosophy with regards to what you put in your hair!  I love scent of this Beach Spray from Marc Anthony and every Living proof product I’ve purchased has made my hair look so much better than I usually do!

So, there you have it, beach babes.  A super fast and super portable routine that will keep your skin hydrated and healthy and have you moving effortlessly between home-gym-work-errands-kids-life-oh-my-god-I-need-a-break.

But let’s be honest, what really matters is what it looks like.  Here’s what I came up with! I hope you will share your go-to on-the-go products!

xoxo, Amanda

Summer Picks To Go

I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m already on to summer products when we are just getting to see most Spring offerings!  Well, here in Central Texas, it’s already warming up and we will only have “spring” for another week.

I curated this super pared-down list of 15 items (including tools!)  that are portable and guaranteed to help you look completely put together after the gym or in the summer sun.

Let’s start with the basics because #skinfirst.   My nighttime routine is ridiculously extensive, but for the day I like to keep it simple.  I’m always running late and just don’t have time to slather multiple products on my face – but believe me I would love to.  I start my daytime routine with a Vitamin C serum.  I like this one from Drunk Elephant, but for $80 I find the texture a little thick and sticky.  I will finish this one, but I strongly prefer the CE Ferulic from Skinceuticals and personally cured a very bad wound on my husband’s face with it, but at $165 it’s definitely a spendier option.  New from Skinceuticals,  is the HA Intensifier, which is by far the best Hyaluronic Acid booster I’ve ever used.  I’m seeing a remarkable difference with it and I will absolutely shell out the $90 to keep using it!  Finally,  I love this Kate Somerville moisturizer. This cream is light as air and has a cooling effect – while providing great hydration, $65.

Now the basic skincare is out of the way, but we haven’t covered the most important thing – sun protection.  I have found two products containing SPF 50 that I’m in love with. Skinceuticals makes it’s final appearance on the list with their Physical Defense.  This is a small bottle for $34, but I just finished my first bottle (and already have my second) after daily use for 4 months.  This is a thin, tinted liquid that can work without foundation if you’re 20 the type of person that likes a sheer coverage.  When I want a bit more coverage, I grab the Clarins UV Plus.  This product comes in three shades and has a retail price of $45.  I have the medium shade and it’s a lot of coverage.  You could absolutely use this without a foundation.  The finish is VERY dewy, even on my Saharan skin, so bring a powder along if you don’t want to shine.

I am totally obsessed with Dr. Brandt products at the moment.  I told you about my

The Glow-Getters

overwhelming love for their Microdermabrasion in my Skin Routine post and I still think it’s better than professional spa-grade microderm.  But they have absolutely knocked it out of the park with this luminizing primer.  It’s ever so slightly tinted.  It’s super pearlescent.  It fills pores (even large pores) completely and with ease – talk about a multitasker!  It’s amazing & you seriously need to try it.  Now.

If you need a little more sparkle than the luminizing primer provides, there’s no shortage of amazing products to provide an ethereal glow.  I find that Hourglass’ Ambient Lighting Powders are amazing, especially for older women.  I love the lit-from-within glow it provides and the matte finish is very forgiving.  Bonus – they always sell their travel sizes for $22, so you can pick and choose to match your whims!  I’m also digging Algenist’s Drop and Glow Luminizing Duo, $22.

During the winter, I want a super hydrating foundation.  During the summer, I just want one that won’t slide off my face!  I couldn’t be more in love with La Mer’s Soft Fluid.  It’s $110 so it might not be the one you actually toss in your gym bag! But the fluid is light, contains their patented Miracle Broth and has a lovely, dewy finish.  But to take on the go, I really like gel-based foundations like this one from Marc Jacobs beauty. Better still – ask for samples from your favorite department store beauty counters.  🙂

So beauties, there you have the start of my portable routine.  I’m up to a total of five products, and frankly, we’re almost done.

BUT…so am I!   I had a frustrating day where I didn’t feel well enough to do most of the things I wanted to get done – but I couldn’t sleep, either!  I did start Humira, though, so hopefully things will start looking up.

Be sure to come back tomorrow – it’s the pretty part!

xoxo, Amanda

Haute Mess

Today has felt so much more like what I intended my time off to be. I woke early and spent the morning with my husband and kids before work/school. What this really translates to is: I sat on the back patio in the cool morning air playing games on my tablet while avoiding the rest of the family, except for the absurd line of pediatric questioning that I couldn’t avoid as it was directed directly at me.

Boy child, 15: “Mom, are you any good at Chemistry? I’m gonna need some help because my teachers expect us to do all the learning at home on our own and in class we are supposed to work on application!” The cruelty of the education system – making children responsible for their own learning! Hmpf.

Girl child, 12: “Mom, can I have this (my) bottle of water to take to school?” Me, “No.” Girl:  “But I don’t have a water bottle and I’m going to get soooo thirsty!” Whiny voice, actual tears welling up in eyes.

After they left, I went for a walk.  The arthritis has destroyed my feet more than anything (such an irony as I love shoes as much as I love beauty products), so it was nice to have time for a slow walk.  I broke a tiny sweat, my heart rate was a bit higher than my baseline 100 and I forgot that the back half of the 1.5 miles was all uphill.  At home, I did a yoga workout from Daily Burn that was listed as “restorative” which sounded like just the thing.  My hips and feet were screaming at me so I sat in the bathtub alternating heat and cold for well over an hour.

Writing about this pathetic little workout with pride is painful.  You see, it wasn’t that long ago that I was a triathlete.  I don’t have aspirations of getting back to that place because I can’t imagine ever being able to tolerate the bodily insults from running, but it did send me out to find some new workout clothes!

It also got me thinking about which fun products I would keep in my workout bag so that when I go back to work, I can keep up the exercise without looking like a hot mess in the Texas heat.  I don’t know what I’m going to do about the exercise induced nap requirement yet, however.  Hey, I can only solve one problem at a time!

I whittled the GRWM look down to 14 products, half of which are totally optional.  The total time to out-the-door ready is about 10 minutes!  Check back tomorrow for the full report on which products made the cut – and I’ll share my look using only the included products – and tell you which ones I left out!

xoxo, Amanda

Sabbatical Day One

So my incredible plans for the day didn’t go as planned.  I slept ALL day Saturday which threw everything back a day.  Sunday, the hubs and I cleaned all day – which pushed the grocery shopping to today.  After that, I came home and slept for another three hours.  I guess that is the point of this though.

At some point during this sabbatical, I want to create my own beauty room.  My daughter got a room upgrade, so the smallest, purplest room in the house is going to be my new beauty room.  It’s where Cristina (@the_beauty_rookie) and I will hopefully be filming for our YouTube channel that doesn’t exist yet!  We rarely agree on products, so I think you’ll be in for some laughs anyway.

Here’s the current situation.  It will get better.   I’m hoping that there will be enough room in there to move all of my things (clothes, jewelry, shoes) up there and have a dressing room.   That might be a lofty goal, this room is way smaller than any closet that has ever appeared on Bravo!

Hopefully I’ll have a little update on the room tomorrow!

Engagement

Instagram is my favorite social media platform for simple reasons – it’s easy to use, it’s easy to find “your people” and somehow, I still find that I can connect with people in a real and genuine way.

In fact, I have made a handful of real friends through Instagram. I find myself wanting to reach out to them throughout the day more often than my “real” friends – and most of the time I do!

For the last several months on the ‘Gram, there have been “Makeup Lovers” support trains. The idea is simple – you follow and support everyone on the train and vice versa.  It’s a great way to meet new people, learn new things and grow your social media presence.

Of course there’s always those that ruin it – either by not following you back at all or by following you and then unfollowing a few days later. This is a common tactic to increase your following. The problem? Having people follow you isn’t engagement – the engagement part comes when it’s reciprocal.

For some reason, it’s widely considered a positive if you have high numbers of “fans” that follow you and a comparatively lower ratio that you follow.

I get it. It’s really hard to engage with followers. My feed is packed and I miss things all the time. I’m very selective with who I turn on post notifications for and I have to make a real effort keeping up with the people I’ve already developed relationships with, and I have to make time to seek out certain users that entertain, inspire or consistently produce great content.

This is why I unfollow those that unfollow me. There are very few people (mostly businesses) that produce such great content that I’m willing to be a number for them.

While I totally understand that numbers count for everything in this game, I also believe that businesses that are savvy enough to use influencer marketing also seek influencers who truly engage.

Cheek Parade

Who the heck buys a blush palette when you already own three of the five shades? This girl, when it’ Benefit Cosmetics Cheek Parade! Let’s just take a moment to admire it, then I’ll share my thoughts.

Ready for a Close Up!

Isn’t she lovely? This palette was built around the pretty little ray of sunshine that is the newest color in Benefit’s powdered blushes/bronzers… Galifornia. As a single color, Galifornia comes packaged in the same adorable cardboard box that Benefit is known for and that I just love (I especially can’t say no the mini versions ever!). For $29, you receive an enormous box filled with blushing happiness and an applicator brush that’s adorable, although mostly useless.

But when Benefit offers blush palettes, I jump.  I love the texture of these powders – they are more finely milled than many powder blushes which makes them easy to blend and easy to build up to your preferred level of pretty.  Last year, I purchased the Real Cheeky Party palette which is now sold-out but included Rockateur, Sugarbomb, Coralista, Dandelion and Hoola (among some non-cheek goodies).  Packaged to the usual level of Benefit perfection, my daughter begged for the tin as a pencil box.  Beaming with pride, I began depotting, only to send Dandelion to an early demise victimizing, but not totally ruining Hoola and my favorite area rug.  It hardly mattered though, there are always Hoola backups – usually of the tiny variety – at Casa Lush and while Dandelion is super pretty, it’s a sweet and soft color that rarely suits my moods.

The Packaging

Eye-catching & Super Fun!

“I hate Benefit’s packaging” – said no makeup lover ever! This fun, retro & uber girlie blush palette screams summer to me.  The cardboard box is fairly sturdy, with a generous mirror.  I love how the bright blue stands out in my palette drawer against all the black, just catching a glimpse of it makes me want to use it.  Despite the sturdiness of the box, I wouldn’t travel with it – and I won’t try to depot it either, based on my last experience!

Swatches

Subtle Shades are hard to Photograph

Hoola has long been my HG bronzer.  There are others I like, but I always come back to this one.  It’s great on my skin tone, I love that it’s truly matte and well, the box.   Hoola Lite was new to me – and it’s really pretty! I wish I would have had this over the winter.  It’s just exactly what it says it is – and I’m sure the fair-skinned of the world rejoiced.  Dandelion is a very pretty, very feminine soft pink.  It’s almost invisible on my very-medium-leaning-light skin, but I love it on my daughter.   Rockateur is definitely my favorite powdered blush (there are loads of cream products I also love) and I could wear it daily for any occasion and be completely happy.  It has a bit of so many colors in it, and it all combines in a way that can only be called pretty.  This version is amped up with a cool pattern and a gold, glittery embossing that is gorgeous to look at, pretty on the skin and impossible to capture on camera (for me).  All that glittery stuff also applies to this version of Galifornia, but it suits the bright sun pattern so perfectly that I totally get it.  I haven’t spent enough time with this color to really tell you my thoughts, but on first glance, I think I’m going to love it.  Even if it were a fail, the palette would still be a winner.

The Stars of the Show

This palette is a definite yes for me, and if it doesn’t sell out before the VIB rouge sale, I’ll likely pick up a backup – I like it that much! I purchased this through The Mother Ship for points, but Benefit has some interesting GWP’s right now.  Here for $58, you can score free shipping, a deluxe sample of the Goof Proof Brow pencil and two free samples.  If you increase your order to a minimum of $65, you can also become the owner of an eye palette!  Details on the freebies can be found Here!

If you’re wondering what you can add to your order, Gimme Brow will be on my March faves list – along with a few other fun new products.  And speaking of the Sephora points, the VIB Rouge sale is right around the corner, I’ll be getting my shopping list ready to share with you soon!

xo,

Amanda

Last Glance!

 

 

An April a Day

Alternate Title: Why Can’t I Just Write all Day and be Pretty?

Sick of my personal life? Well, buckle up beauty babes –  it’s about to get real deep here, but it’s relevant.  I promise.

In case you hadn’t heard (insert eye roll emoji), I have an autoimmune disease.  The specifics don’t matter.  For everyone with a chronic illness, it simply becomes part and parcel of your entire being – for better and for worse. Your illness colors every decision, every interaction and practically every thought.

In my real life, I’m a wife, a mom and a step-mom to adolescents, complete with all the activities that come with parenting – sports, school events, competitions, performances and extremely busy kid social lives.  As any parent knows, this alone is a massive juggling act – one where your intentions are always good but, despite best efforts, outcomes are not always.

In my professional life, I am a Registered Nurse, something that is a source of pride for me.  I have always defined myself by my career – and being a nurse is a huge part of my sense of identity,  probably an unhealthy degree.  My specialty is surgery and from the first moment I was in an operating room, I was head-over-heels in love.  Currently, I’m the director of a surgery center that treats about 600 patients a month.  We employ 40 amazing human beings and financially support a great many more than that.   Every morning, my first thoughts are around this responsibility and most nights, I send myself to sleep considering this responsibility again.  It’s more important than doing good work every day.  I think about how we can best care for our patients keeping them safe and happy, while providing an environment that makes employees feel valued, secure and confident in knowing that they do great work.  Every.  Single.  Day.

This might be true.

Lately, though, my disease has decided to take center stage.  It has become the award-winner for Best Drama, supplanting everything else in my life ensuring that of all the things I have to do, I’m not doing any of it very well at all.  I’ve had to use words like “disability” in reference to myself, and the ambition that has always been palpable has given way to a mentality of “I can’t”.

I no longer recognize myself when I walk by a mirror and catch a glimpse of my reflection.  The obscene weight gain certainly can’t be on ME (but it is).  I’ve evicted two humans from my body with less body fat that I’m currently lugging around.   I’ve cried to my doctor that we must have my diagnosis wrong since nothing seems to work.  That little display bought be a prescription antidepressant.  I haven’t started it yet only because I haven’t had the chance to read whether it will pack more pounds onto my creaking frame that screamed “uncle” 20 pounds ago.

I’m weepy, clingy and way too sensitive.  I fear that pain will become the only constant in my life.  I feel hopeless and helpless and THAT grosses me out.  I’m exposing it all.  I have hit rock bottom – and I’m sharing it publicly for accountability.

I have decided that it’s time to take control.  There is one treatment that I haven’t tried. One.  To give this treatment a fighting chance to win, I am taking off the month of April.  I will eat well, exercise, rest and begin to heal myself from the inside out.  This sabbatical is going to be hard work.  But it’s work on me, and that simply must take priority right now.  There isn’t any going back to the old me, however, I need to find a new version of me that is happy and healthy.

Tomorrow begins Project Fabulush.  I will rise early, enjoy a healthy breakfast with my family and enjoy the amazing spring weather with a daily “constitutional” walk.  Late mornings will be for social media, blogging and planning the rest of my day.  Afternoons will be spent in exercise and mediation, guided by my friend Sophie, an online health and fitness coach (@mom.who.loves2lift on Instagram).  Sophie isn’t just about exercising to the point of collapse.  She uses social media to lead small groups through whole-body transformations that combine exercise, nutrition and meditation.

Bath and beauty comes next, before the kids get home, which will hopefully afford met he luxury of bathing without a constant barrage of questions screamed through the bathroom door.  Family dinners are important in our household, but I will prepare dinners using organic ingredients, densely packed with nutrition and made with love (or at least not anger!).  Finally, I’ll unwind with whatever floats my boat before heading off to bed for a good night’s sleep.  There will be appointments galore – with doctors, physical therapists and massage therapists.  There will be days that I don’t manage to accomplish my goals.  Through it all, however, there will be a daily post.   My typical beauty topics will be front and center, but The Fabulush may be peppered with progress notes or a poem (that’s a joke).  I do hope that you will join me and follow along on my journey.   I adore your comments and feedback.  Share often and be loud.

Thank you for your support! ❤

Amanda

PS – Don’t feel sorry for me!  I have packages arriving at their normal pace, an Origins Launch Party that @Influenster invited me to and a Skinceuticals-sponsored training event on chemical peels and advanced skin correction.  My expectations of myself are extremely high, and I cannot wait to discover how deep I can go in a month.  I will never be the old me – the disease has changed me too much – but I hope to find a way to a new and improved me.

 

This one is definitely true.  And explains why I cannot stand how much time I have spent in doctor’s offices lately!